


Lamentation

by MegaFrost4



Series: A Tragic Beauty [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Depression, Human Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Regret, Seduction, Violence, mature - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:40:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 9,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29369400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MegaFrost4/pseuds/MegaFrost4
Summary: Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.Are you scared of what you'll see?Are you scared of me?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: A Tragic Beauty [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/420283
Comments: 10
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

As Dean worked through the exhaustion from the latest debacle with Lucifer, Cas hardly moved from that same spot on the couch. Dean thought he had to be extremely uncomfortable and stiff.

Deep down, Cas wanted to help, he really did, with the messes he made, but his body was incapable, and his mind would not let him.

_Look at you, you're so fucking lazy._

_Dean was horrified by the way you looked, and he hasn't even seen all of you!_

"Cas?" Cas came back to, seeing a straightened up table, all of his journals neatly stacked with pens and pencils placed on top. There was a smell in the room of chemicals that made his nose twitch, but the place looked amazing, just as good as the day they moved in here. [Ran and hid from those angels, that was the more technical reason.]

"Hm?" Was all he could manage.

"Why don't we call it a day?" Dean went to turn the music off.

 _There was music playing? Is the day already over?_ Cas' heart broke because he wanted to feel the music with Dean. He always loved seeing Dean's passion shine, and he was honored to have always been invited into this precious piece of his life. But he was stuck in his head, more like trapped in his mind, to even hear what it was.

"It looks amazing, Dean..." Cas frowned. "What are those boxes?"

"Oh, well, Sammy gave us some books, thought you'd enjoy them." Dean opened a box, and pulled out _Treasure Island_. "Classic. This one's about pirates! Loved it when I was a kid." He put it back into the box and fiddled with his hands. "Let's get some grub, and we'll have a picnic in bed. I really wanna show you this Batman movie, it's called-"

"I'm not hungry..." Cas said quickly.

Dean broke into a smile. "Good guess, but no. It's-"

" _No_ , Dean." Cas hugged himself tighter. "I'm _not. hungry._ "

Dean froze. He had a feeling this would happen. He just did not want to deal with it because he did not know how. "Just a little before bed? I don't want you to go to bed on an empty stomach. You'll hurt in the morning, and I got you some more medicine for your back."

Cas instinctually dug his fingers into his back, wincing from the pain. "I'll get used to it."

Dean almost went off, _almost. He has been through Hell, and so have you...in more ways than one. Be patient. He will come around. He's just been through the ringer one too many times. He is just stubborn like you._

"Ok..." _We will be eating breakfast in the morning. We will go back to the_ _toast, just like last time. I'm not losing you again. If I have to do what I did with you all over again, and you're going to fight me this time? Well...you did the same for me, so I'll do it again. I swear, Cas._

All of those thoughts came out in that one little word. His eyes told Cas, and Cas knew.

Dean took both of Cas' hands into his own, and slowly pulled him up, but Cas fell into him.

"I'm...sorry, I-" Cas felt so embarrassed. This was ridiculous.

"Here..." Dean rotated Cas enough to pick him up bridal style, Cas unable to figure out what was happening to protest. Dean tried not to think about how easy this was, how light and _not there_ Cas was. Laying him gently onto the bed, Dean kicked his shoes off, joining him on the other side. 

"Dean..." Cas whined.

"Yeah, Cas?" Dean softened when he heard that pitiful voice that made him want to rip his own heart out.

"I am so sorry...I...I don't know why I am so angry right now, and I took it out on you, and-"

Dean put a finger on Cas' lips to stop him. "You sound just like me on my good days." He smiled. "Cas, I told you, I'm not gonna leave you. Now, you can kick and scream every step of the way, and I will gladly do whatever it takes to heal you..." His voice betrayed him in revealing how broken he was. "Just like you did with me...back then..." _in Hell_

"I love you, Dean...I want you to know that." 

"I know...and I love you, too." Dean made Cas lay on his chest.

Cas tried to focus on the rise and fall with the steady heartbeat that was just as fast as it was whenever Dean was having nightmares right after Hell. Tears wet Dean's shirt as Cas realized that the roles were truly reversed for good this time, because not only was he still trying to get used to being a human after such trauma, after everything they had been through, but now he was fighting more than one demon that had seeped into his subconscious.

_Dean does not deserve this. He does not deserve to have to put up with me._


	2. Chapter 2

_Well, isn't this a nice little moment..._

_You think you can just send big brother after me, and think it's all over?_

_No, I'm not done with you two..._

_You're too much fun_

_Boring to play with alone, but together?_

_Castiel, you could have been one of the greats, get your name out there, like I did._

_But you are just a sorry excuse of an angel_

_And now look at you..._

_You can't even be a human right_

_I thought this was what you wanted?_

_Now, you're refusing to eat, sleep...and you cut yourself_

_You are so weak_

_You really think Dean Winchester loves you?_

"No..." Cas mumbled in his sleep, over and over again, until he screamed bloody murder.

"Cas?!" Dean flipped over, turned the lamp on, and held Cas down. "Cas! Wake up, you're ok. It's just a nightmare...Cas?"

Cas thrashed around, but Dean easily held him down, although he could not wake him up.

_I can make it all better..._

_Make the pain go away..._

_End everyone's suffering with the snap of my fingers..._

_All you have to do is say please._

_..._

_Take your time..._

_I'm always watching._

Cas' eyes shoot open, hyperventilating and moaning. "No...nononono, please...no..." He squeezes them shut, pushing tears out onto the pillow.

"Cas? Please, it's ok. You're ok now..." Dean kept trying to soothe.

"Dean?" Cas looked so helpless and scared.

"You're safe now. Lucifer's gone. He can't hurt you anymore. As long as we stay here."

"No...no, he's, he's _here_ , Dean..." Cas could not understand how, but he felt it in his soul.

Something was wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

"What do you mean 'he's here'?" Dean sat up a little straighter. "Gabriel threw him back into the Cage. He can't come back. I promise."

_Little does he know, I have a failsafe._

Cas closed his eyes. "Dean..." A tear fell slowly down his cheek. "I'm scared..."

Dean brought his head down onto his own shoulder, wrapping his arms around him. "I know...I'm scared too...I'm going to call Bobby, give him a rundown, let him know we're ok. I will get to the bottom of this, Cas. No one's ever gonna hurt you again." He kissed his forehead.

Cas adored it. He inhaled sharply when Dean pulled away.

"I'll be right back..."

"No! Wait!" Cas reached for his arm. "Don't go...not yet..."

Dean looked into those dark eyes, then down to his little, torn up arms...wait. "Cas?" Dean sat back down onto the bed, squaring himself to get a good look. Cas tried to pull away, but he was too weak to even give it a fair shot. Dean's eyes welled up. "I'm so sorry..." He apologized again.

Cas tried to hide the cuts on his wrist with his free hand. "Dean...don't worry about it...please, it's ok."

"No, it's not..." Dean whispered, like he was about to explode. _This is the farthest from ok._ "I don't like you doing to yourself... _this_...can I just ask why?" _Then I can fix it..._

Cas shook his head. "Dean, I've stopped. They'll heal."

"That's because I'm here...and I'm going to get rid of all of the knives and other sharp objects all over because hurting yourself...is _not_ the answer. Baby, I know things have been rough, and you have been through Hell again and again, but please let me in. Let me help you..." Dean cried softly.

"..." Cas would not make eye contact with him. He was too ashamed, too embarrassed. "I just thought...since I've messed up so many times, freeing Lucifer, rebelling against Heaven, letting them all hurt you...I will have already paid for my sins by now..." Another shaky breath. "But I can't stop. This voice in my head keeps telling me I'm not worthy of love, of true happiness, and-"

"No, Cas." Dean's heart shattered listening to this confession. "Don't ever think that that's the answer." He bravely held his arm to cover the scars. "Cas, you are so beautiful...so selfless...I don't know, you just have this glow about you, you're so eager to learn. You make Sammy so proud. _I'm proud_ of you too. After all the shit you and I have been through...we deserve to take it easy."

"But Dean, we've already been through this..." Cas was getting irritable. "If I hadn't have opened that door to Metatron, none of this would have happened. We were safe, and happy, just you and me..."

"It's still just you and me..." Dean had a small smile.

_And me..._

Cas' heart jumped.

"You're all I want, Dean." Cas leaned back onto the hard backboard of the bed. Dean pressed him back up a bit so he could prop him up with a pillow. "Thank-you."

"You're welcome, sweetheart." Dean kissed his cheek. "You're all I ever wanted, too..."

* * *

Dean brought some dried toast to bed so Cas could eat, and he did.

"I'm proud of you, Cas..." Dean took the half-eaten bread away.

_Big whoop, you ate. Go back to sleep so we can have a real talk._

Cas grimaced, feeling like shit, but also happy that he made Dean smile, giving him a little more hope for the future.

Dean turned the TV on, and wrapped his arm around Cas, pulling him close. Cas rested his head on Dean. He had to figure out a way to end all of this, to get rid of Lucifer, and be at peace. All he wanted was Dean, and for no one else to bother them ever again. But he had no idea what happened or how to fix the problem.

_Really? Batman again? Aren't you bored of that old trope by now?_

"I really like Batman." Cas countered back.

Dean looked down. "Yeah, you do. I'm glad of that...he's got some pretty sick moves."

Cas was relieved Dean did not ask what spawned that sudden and obvious revelation, but fighting back with the Devil was mostly a mental battle, and he will be damned if he gave in.


	4. Chapter 4

_All right, you think you’re being cute?_

_Let’s play dirty._

Cas woke up a few days later, hearing the shower run, and snuggled back down.

Two hours later, the water was still running.

“Dean?” Cas called.

No answer.

Using all of his strength, Cas sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He tried to stand, but fell to his knees.

“Dean?”

No answer.

So he crawled.

Thankfully, the door was unlocked, and Cas used it to pull himself up. He fell to the countertop, gripping tightly. Dean’s left leg was sticking out of the shower.

“Dean!” Cas took hold of the towel bar, and pulled back the curtain.

Dean was laying there, eyes glassy, blood coming out of the back of his skull. He was still as a corpse.

Cas screamed.

He turned the water off, and checked for a pulse, breathing, anything.

There was faint heartbeat.

“ _I can save him…”_

Cas’ big eyes cut to the door to see Lucifer. The Devil came and squatted down. “You know you can’t. I’m the only capable thing in this room.”

“Stop.” Cas shook. “This is not fair. _Why did you kill him?_ ”

“He’s not dead…” Lucifer laughed. “But he will be, if you don’t hurry.”

Cas stared at Dean, then looked desperately back up at Lucifer. “What do you want?”

“Let me in.”

Cas blinked. “You’re already-“

“Well, duh…that’s not what I meant…if I save Dean, what is he coming back to to live for? You? Looking like this? Please. Gabriel can’t fix you, but-“

“Why should I trust you?”

“Have I lied to you once?” Cas did not answer. “Didn’t I try to warn you about those douchebags upstairs? Wasn’t I the one who has just been spitting the facts. I’ve moved on from our little squabble. Dean in Hell was fun, but Gabriel was right…he didn’t need to be there. Sam was. But you’ve done enough, ok. Let me do this one thing for you, and I’ll leave you alone. You’ll never have to see me again.”

Cas looked back at Dean.

“What do ya say?”

“Ok…” Cas said hesitantly.

“I’m gonna need a little more than that…”

“I’ll let you in-“ Before Cas could finish his sentence, he felt darkness envelop him from the inside. He was gagging, unaware of what was going on. All he knew was that, once again, he had screwed up.

And there was no turning back.

* * *

Dean kept singing “Renegade” until the hot water got slightly warmer than lukewarm, and called it a morning. Stepping out, he twanged with the ending guitar as he dried off, ready to start another day.

When he entered the bedroom, he swore, dropping his phone.

“Cas?!”

Cas was sitting up in the bed, his robe opened to show his ribs, and more cuts that had not been there the night before. His hair was greasy, and his lip quivered. But it was the eyes that hinted at something being _wrong._

“Dean Winchester. Long time, no see?”

Dean’s face hardened. “Lucifer…get the _hell_ out of him! Right now!”

“Or what? You’ll kill me? Killing your _beloved_ in the process?” Lucifer, using Cas’ beautiful face, laughed. “I’m the only thing keeping him alive right now. So, I think I’ll do you both a favor, and stay a little while.” He smiled a wicked grin that made Dean sick, because it was Cas’ face.

Lucifer was mocking him, and Dean had no clue what to do.


	5. Chapter 5

"No...no, this can't be happening. I saw Gabriel kick your ass to the curb!" Dean pointed.

"Did you really think that I wouldn't have a failsafe?" Lucifer scoffed. "I'm not as shallow-minded as you lot." He ran his fingers along Cas' thick beard. "Mmm...didn't you promise me a shave?"

"I promised you _shit_." Dean spat.

Lucifer threw Cas' hand over his chest and mocked offense. Then that smile. "Well, I'm gonna freshen up a bit. You like a little stubble, don't you? Course you do. You're always _killing_ it." Lucifer got up and swayed a bit. "Woah...almost fell and hit his head there..."

Dean went into the bathroom after him and nervously watched as Lucifer began to shave with a straight razor, no cream.

"What? I'm an archangel. So I take short cuts, _sue me_." Lucifer paused. "Actually, I wouldn't recommend that, it's a _long_ line."

"Please..." Dean closed his eyes tight, praying it was still a bad dream. "Whatever it is you want, you can have it. You want me back in Hell, I'll go, just-"

Lucifer rolled his eyes. "I don't wanna do that whole spill again. Like I said, I've moved on. As long as you cooperate, I'll heal this bad boy up, and we can all go on our merry way." He suddenly turned around and pinned Dean against the door. "If you try _anything_ , if you don't do what I say, I'll break his little neck and keep on going. _Capiche?_ "

Dean nodded, seeing that darkness in those once gorgeous eyes.

"Hm..." Lucifer still had the blade in his hand and slowly went down the side of Dean's face, teasing his Adam's apple. He kissed Dean, and Dean tried to break loose from it. "Ha! A good kisser too...mmm..."

"What the hell was that?" Dean spat, feeling disgusting.

"Well, it's been a hot minute since we kissed, and I know there's a schedule to these things. Literally any opportunity available. I had no idea you were a hopeless romantic." Lucifer stumbled and grabbed Cas' head. "Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh! _Stop!_ "

Dean crept around to see the front of Cas' body. It was shaking, hands pulling at his hair. "Cas? Cas! I know you're in there! Come on..." He leaned forward and waited, hoping for a miracle.

" _NO!_ " Cas' head dropped then slowly rose. Tired eyes blinked open, as if seeing the light for the first time in a long time. 

"Dean?"

"Cas?" Dean closed the gap between them and cupped his face. "Are you ok?"

"I-ugh!" Cas collapsed in pain, then a laugh came out past his lips. Lucifer hopped up like it was nothing. "Wow! He is a lot stronger than he looks. I mean, would it kill ya to eat a sandwich?" Lucifer waited a second, then laughed.

" _Shut up._ Leave him alone. I've told you before. Now, can we get this over with so I can- _wait!_ " Dean held out his hands in surrender.

Lucifer laughed, the razor blade hovering above Cas' scars. "These are so beautiful, aren't they? Shows how fragile humans really are. Physical pain is interesting, but psychologically, you are all barely scratching the surface with it. _Snap out of it. Just stop doing it. You're so selfish._ I know I'm an asshole, but geez, humans can be just downright cruel." He hopped on the bed and patted the empty spot next to him.

Dean swallowed and sat down as far away from him as possible. It was so hard, seeing Cas' face but knowing it was not him. His Cas was trapped, tricked again, and suffering deep down. Dean had to figure out a way to free him.

"So, whatcha wanna do? Wanna watch Batman? Read a book? Do another puzzle? It's so cute how quickly you two turned domestic, I love it. When's the date?" Lucifer waited for a response, but just got stared at sadly. "He's _fine_. I got him right where he needs to be. But like I said...try anything stupid, and I'll slit his throat faster than you can chant a spell."

Dean clenched his fists, trying to steady his breathing, feeling just as trapped as Cas was.

_I promise I'm gonna save you...I promise..._


	6. Chapter 6

Cas gasped for air, but found he was in the living room, on the couch, his books and journals neatly stacked like he remembered them just being…when Dean came back to him and was trying to help him.

_Was this another time jump?_

“No, actually. Lucifer pulled up a chair and straddled it. “I’m inside your head.” He tapped his temple with a smile on his face. “What? You invited me in.”

“I wasn’t going to do that…” Cas thought back, but he was so confused with what was happening.

“Yeah, well, here we are. And this will be more fun than before because I can play with both of you…”

“But…I can’t see Dean.”

“Not yet. I’ll let you in on all the dirty details.” Lucifer winked. “But I’m calling the shots, I’m in charge, and you’re staying here.” He turned on the TV, and Cas saw the bedroom from his point of view. There was the TV and the bathroom to the right.

“Dean’s just fine…” Cas grimaced. “You tricked me again.”

“Never said that was in the rule book. Technicalities get you every time. As anal as you were about things as an angel, Castiel, you are sorely lacking in that department.” Lucifer’s eyebrows raised. “Oh, gotta go, Dean’s coming.”

“Wait, what are you doing?” Lucifer threw his hand out, and Cas was thrown back to sit on the sofa. Trapped, he struggled to move. All he could do was watch as Lucifer disappeared, and he could feel his body move without his permission. “Dean!?”

Cas watched in horror as Lucifer messed with Dean, teasing him, threatening him… _kissing him?_ He had enough. Using all of his strength, Cas managed to break free and scream into the TV. He threw his books at it, and there was a crack. For a moment, he saw Dean like he was supposed to.

There was Dean. “Dean?”

“Cas? Are you ok?” Dean was touching him, and Cas was feeling it. He was here, he managed to-

“ _Oh, no you don’t-_ “ Lucifer grabbed Cas by the throat and threw him to the ground, pinning him down. “You’re going to stay right here, and be a good little boy, or I’m going to _kill_ him. I will make you do it. Do you understand?” He peered down, getting right up against Cas, his breath warming his face.

“Don’t hurt him…” Cas pleaded.

“You two, I swear…” Lucifer got up and focused on Dean.

* * *

Cas watched sadly as Lucifer toyed with Dean, pulling up every terrible thing that has happened to them thus far, even bringing up his time in Hell.

“You really didn’t wanna go back…” Lucifer smiled. “You cowered to the ground like a child about to be punished. I mean, that’s basically what was going to happen, but if it hadn’t been for Gabriel, _I_ would’ve made your time downstairs so much more enjoyable. It wouldn’t be like last time. Last time was awful, very traumatizing, but a little birdie told me you started to enjoy it, huh?”

Dean’s insides were upsetting him. He did not want to think about that.

“Oh, touched a nerve? Let’s go back a bit further then. _Daddy’s blunt instrument_. Now, there’s a topic I hear about a lot, daddy issues, mommy issues, feeling unloved, I get it. Those are always the most interesting to me, because it makes you so _desperate._ You just can’t win for losing at just being yourself. No matter what you do, you are always a screw-up!”

As Lucifer went on, Dean’s heart broke because it was hard to convince himself that although Cas’ voice and Cas’ lips were saying it, it was not Cas. Cas was a victim here, and Dean had to be patient if he wanted to make sure they saw the light of day tomorrow.

“Did Sammy ever have to deal with this? Oh wait, he got out of there as soon as he was able to. College, right? Good for him. He had a promising life, till you dragged him back into this mess. At least he wasn’t too far lost to go back and settle down.” Lucifer gasps. “Maybe we should pay him a visit!? Or, better yet, he can come here! Oh, he will be absolutely devastated to see Cas like this.”

“Leave him out of this, please.” Dean asked quietly.

“Wow…I’ve done it. I think compared to the forty years spent in Hell, we never could break you as fast as I’ve done in what, a year? Dean…thank-you for showing me I haven’t lost my touch.” Lucifer leans over and kisses Dean on the cheek.

Dean tries to keep it together.


	7. Chapter 7

"No..." Cas shook his head, screaming.

" _So..._ " Lucifer emphasized, trying to mask Cas' attempt to take control. "Can I borrow your phone over there? Cas' phone...I don't remember where it went..." He tilted his head in that confused puppy look that just looked _wrong._

Dean glared at him, got out of bed and picked up his phone off of the floor. He dialed Sammy, never taking his eyes off of the Devil in the bed that had Cas held hostage.

"... _Dean?_ " Sam had an edge to his voice. 

Dean kicked himself, it had probably been too long since he had last spoken. And the last time he called...it was not a good day.

"Hey, Sammy..." Dean's voice shook, and he was really bad at faking a normal conversation right now. He stared at Cas' face...that smile would haunt his dreams forever. 

" _Dean, what's wrong?_ " Sam just knew, and Dean was both relieved and afraid he knew.

"Oh, not much...Cas is-just asleep right now."

"You can tell him..." Lucifer nodded. He crawled forward onto his knees at the edge of the bed. "Here, give me the phone." He motioned for it.

" _Is this_ _Poughkeepsie?_ " Sam was on high alert.

Dean smirked, trying to play it cool, not wanting to give Lucifer the satisfaction. "Nah, man, I prefer 'Funky Town'...put that on my disc as soon as you can, yeah?"

"Hey Sam!" Lucifer waved at the phone, as if he could be seen.

Dean stepped back.

" _Call me back, Dean, if you can. I'm on my way..._ " When Sam did not hear a "don't bother", not a single reason to not worry about it, Sam dropped everything and ran to book a flight from Nebraska to Lebanon, KS as soon as possible.

"Is he coming?" Lucifer rubbed his hands together. "Oh, this will be fun! A family reunion. I hope he brings the girlfriend..."

Dean turns to leave, to take matters into his own hands.

" _Hey, where are you going? Come back!_ " Lucifer whines. " _I'll admit, that was uncalled for. It can just be you and Sam, like it used to be. I won't even bring up Dad..."_ He smiled when Dean returned. "You Winchesters, so emotional-" Dean shoved Lucifer back with all of his might up against the headboard of the bed, and handcuffed him. "Oooo... _kinky_. Listen, I was gonna be nice, and take you out to dinner first. Isn't that what you can Cas did?" Dean secured his other arm with the other angel handcuffs. Lucifer just rolled his eyes and kept on. "But, if you're into this, and you wanna just go for it, by all means..." Lucifer fanned his fingers out. "I'm ready!"

Dean hated himself for doing this because he was doing this to Cas partly, but he had no other choice. "Cas, I'm sorry about this, but it's the only thing I could think of to keep you safe."

"Bold of you to assume that was ever an option..." Lucifer twisted his neck up. "I can bang his head over and over and over-" He kept tapping the back of Cas' skull to emphasize, and Dean lost his edge. "Or, you know, we could keep doing it the slow way and starve to death. He was making some progress."

" _Stop. Please..._ " Dean stepped back, rubbing his face in frustration. "Don't say things like that."

"Why, cause it's hard? Cause it's the truth? I know you all like to lie, and trust me, I lie all the time, but I'm me, so...but here I go with another lesson on human psychology: you think lying is better, to ignore the problem, when all it does is make things worse. And right now..." Lucifer stretched Cas' back, showing his uncomfortableness. "You've made things worse...what I just did? That _really_ hurt his back, and he's crying right now." Dean looked horrified, feeling stupid for what he had done. "Tell me, how long do you think we can last like this? Before or after Sammy gets here?"

"Cas, I'm so sorry..." His eyes fluttered. "I know it hurts..."

"Oh, it does...those angels really did a number on him, but angelic grace and all, that's some hot stuff. But having wings _sliced_ off like that? Might as well have killed him, it was so painful. But they kept him alive, allowed him to become human for punishment. That wasn't enough though, was it? No, Cas had to take it one step further, and let his feelings overpower him. And like you said, you're the world's worst when it comes to feelings. I mean, thankfully, it only took you a couple months versus, I don't know, a decade, to confess your love for each other, but still..."

"Get out of his head..." Dean said. "Stop messing around with us like this."

"Or _what?_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was looking for the spelling of Poughkeepsie, I found a post that mentioned other sayings between the brothers, and Funky Town means "I have a gun to my head" only Dean means it metaphorically right now in this instance.


	8. Chapter 8

Dean paused. He knew it was useless, to keep throwing out empty threats. He did not want Lucifer to hurt Cas, but as long as he was in the cuffs. They just had to make it until Sam got there. Maybe he could find Gabriel? Dean had tried silently praying, but there was no answer.

He was alone with the Devil.

And he was scared.

"Look at you, tough guy...all bark and no _bite_..." Lucifer snapped his teeth together, leaving a sick smile on Cas' face. Again, the eyes, they were just horrid to look at. They were not those beautiful eyes Dean had fallen in love with. They were the eyes of deceit...

"Cas..." Dean was hoping Cas could hear him. "It's ok...I'm ok...we're going to, _no!_ " Dean leaped onto the bed, on top of Cas' body as Lucifer feigned jerking his neck hard enough to break it.

He had a manic look on Cas' face. Laughter came out, and Dean wanted to throw up. "You are so much _fun_...come here...I wanna tell you a secret." Dean leaned back, but Lucifer shook his head. "No, come _closer_...I promise I won't bite...unless you're into that sort of thing. I figured cause of the bondage, and whatnot..."

Dean barely moved forward, and Lucifer stretched as far forward as possible, but it was close enough to collide their lips together. He bit Dean's lip, moaning in pleasure. Dean fell back off the bed, spitting onto the floor.

"That's hot..." Lucifer laughed. "Get back up here and let's do it again...or do you wanna punish me for being a _bad boy?_ " He wrestled with the chains playfully.

"You're sick..." Dean made for the exit.

"Hey, I'm not done with you yet...and I won't let Sammy in here until you let me out of these..."

_Dammit._

Dean turned around, his nose flaring with frustration. "What'd you do to the place now?"

"Nonya..." Lucifer stuck out Cas' tongue. "I thought we could have a little more privacy, because I know Sammy will be here by nightfall, and I don't want us to get interrupted."

"... _no_."

"Kiss me like you mean it...like it's really Cas, and I'll finally have my revenge..."

"Look, I've had it up to here, and you think for one second I'm gonna mean it, you're wrong...what's with this fetish of yours, anyway?"

Lucifer grinned. "I'm glad you asked. Because after tonight, every time you kiss your precious little _angel_ , you'll remember it was _me_ at one point, and you _liked_ it because _I_ can make you feel good."

Dean wanted to hurl. There was no way...there had to be a way out of this one.

"I'll let you talk to _Caaaaaaas..._ " Lucifer bribed. "Oh, here he comes!" He winced, then blinked. "Dean?"

"Cas? Is it really you?" Dean got closer to the bed again.

"Dean, what is he doing? I could't see it all." He whimpered at the pain he was in, not only his back, but his wrists from Lucifer writhing around on purpose.

"Don't you worry about that, baby..." Dean kissed him on the forehead. 

"Dean...please..." Tears filled up Cas' eyes.

 _Dammit._ Dean could not stand seeing Cas in so much pain, especially since he was partly responsible. "Ok...but as soon as you even think he's coming, you-"

Cas blinked and Lucifer was back. "I'll give you 24 hours." Then he was gone.

Cas breathed heavily. Tears fell. "Dean..."

"I'm here, baby..." Dean felt a rush, whether it was a lie or not, he had Cas for a day, and Sammy would be here soon, and they did not even need that long to figure this out. Sammy was smart, he would definitely think of something.

* * *

"Dean, pick up!" Sam tried every single cellphone his brother had, but they all went straight to voicemail. He also knew he had the address down correctly.

_Where was he again?_


	9. Chapter 9

Dean strained to reach fresh gauze and medicine on the table. Cas did not want him to leave, even for a moment...how could he blame him?

"This is going to hurt..." Dean warned. 

Cas winced, biting his lip and closing his eyes. He nodded, silently begging Dean to hurry.

"Ok..." As Dean wrapped the gauze around Cas' wrist, he tried not to bring up the scars. There was nothing he could do to treat those physically. "Much better...they're not that bad. You'll heal up in no time..."

Cas brought his hands closer, running shaky fingers along the bandages. He looked up, and all Dean saw was someone who was too tired to even function.

"Dean, I'm so sorry..." 

"Hey, come here..." Dean embraced him gently as Cas sobbed. "We talked about this, Sammy's comin' and he's going to help."

Cas understood, but he had so many doubts. Lucifer was powerful, yes, but he was so clever and manipulative.

Jumping from the sudden noise, Dean's stomach made itself known. Dean ignored it and just shifted Cas a little.

"You can go eat...I'll be fine..." Cas said, like he had said that thousands of times before, which he felt like he had.

"Only if you'll try too..." Dean got no reaction, and kicked himself for not trying something else.

But Cas had fallen asleep, so Dean just held him there for a while. 

* * *

Sam called Gabriel in a frenzy.

"What the hell is going on now?" Sam yelled.

" _I don't know! It's nothing but radio silence over there. I can't get in. I can see it, but I can't get in..._ "

"Well, get me in to where you are, and maybe I can help!"

" _I need someone on the outside."_

"This isn't a spy movie, now let me in because nothing will stop me from getting to my brother!" Sam hung up and slammed his phone on the dash of his car. He got out and looked around some more. There had to be something, some sort of weakness or second option to get in.

Sam also tried to wrap his brain around the fact that Gabriel was trapped too, only he was trapped outside the Bunker, not in it. 

_So Lucifer wants him close, but not too close._

Sam called Bobby next, giving him the fifth update of the day. Bobby still found nothing. But Sam did not have much to give him as far as information. To even the keenest eye of a hunter, there was nothing but this empty feeling. Something was missing obviously, but how to bring it back for normal access? That was the problem.

" _I'm still lookin' and askin' around on my end..._ " Bobby assured Sam.

"I 'preciate it, Bobby..." Sam took in a sharp breath, then got to work. Pulling out his laptop, he did what he did best.

He went to figure out how to fix the problem.

* * *

"Dean?" Cas woke up, feeling slightly better.

"Yeah, Cas?" Dean rubbed his eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry I woke you..." He groaned.

"Cas, you gotta eat so you can take your meds..." Dean reached for a package of crackers. "Here, just two, to coat your stomach."

Cas looked at it for a second. All he could think about was the pain, and he did want it to stop. He gingerly took them, and started to nibble at the snack.

Relieved, Dean tried to think of a way to get Sammy inside. He knew by now, he had probably made it to Kansas. Now comes the hard part.


	10. Chapter 10

"Dean..." Cas looked scared.

"What? Is he-" Dean stood up on his knees, ready for anything.

"No, he's, he's just laughing at me..." Cas cried. "Pitiful...it's hopeless, I can't-"

"Hey, hey, listen to _me_..." Dean shushed him softly. "You are so strong, fighting back, every day, even when the odds are stacked up against us. _They always are..._

"Dean..." Cas laid his head down on Dean's shoulder. "Thank-you...for not leaving me..."

"Not if I can help it..." Dean nuzzled against Cas' temple. Cas lifted up sniffed. 

Dean kissed him, and Cas soaked it in, every feel, every taste, every-

"Mmm..." 

Dean broke free for a second.

"Oh, don't stop on my account...I can do this all day..." Lucifer had control again, and he winked, kissing Dean once more before Dean shoved back.

"Hey!?" Dean found himself stuck, lying flat on the floor. 

Lucifer lifted him up with his powers, Cas' body shaking from weakness. "Such a _weak_ little vessel..." He threw Dean on the bed. As Dean tried to sit up, he slowly walked around the bed, staring at him hungrily. "But such a _strong_ man..." Lucifer put his knee onto the bed and swung the other leg over Dean's hips and pulled a knife out. "Let's see your little angel's handiwork, huh? After all, you were technically mine first."

Dean shivered as one by one his buttons were cut off. Feeling exposed and vulnerable did not begin to describe how he felt. By the time his whole torso was revealed, rags of torn fabric lay at his sides, only covering parts of his arms.

Lucifer gave a low whistle. " _Very nice..._ little brother, I gotta hand it to you, you did incredible. But that soul...huh? An anti-possession tattoo? You are no fun." He slapped Dean so hard he felt dizzy. Eyes widened when the knife was so close to them, they flicked his eyelashes. "What if I just carve it off, hm? Would that work?"

"You wish, you piece of shit..." Dean smirked, turning his head to look up at him. "You think you're so tough, having to revert to your powers to keep me down? Hiding us away because you can't handle anyone? Tell me, how many demons had to sacrifice themselves to get you back out of the Cage?"

Another slap, but it just made him laugh. "Did I strike a nerve?"

"You are in no position to talk to me like that...I still have the upper hand." Lucifer sliced Cas' palm, pressing his thumb into it to make the blood come out. He rubbed the fingers around to spread it all over. Dean watched as a red palm laid on top of his tattoo. "Bad pun, I know...I can't help myself sometimes." He twirled the knife around, humming in thought.

"Stop hurting him...please...hasn't he been through enough with douchebags like you?" Dean tried to suck in a breath as his throat was seized up by that bloody hand.

"I am _not them..._ you saw what they did to Castiel, you saw what they are capable of, showing their true colors because business is more important. Me? I'm a little more old-fashioned, I just do what I want, not giving a fuck about what anyone says." He slid a finger across Dean's jaw line, leaving a trail of blood on his face. "I wonder..."


	11. Chapter 11

Cas felt a force choke him back out of the light, Dean’s face getting smaller and smaller. He was thrown back into his mind. Black tendrils roped around him.

Lucifer came forward. “Did you have fun? You slept most of the time, so, didn’t seem too grateful about it.”

Cas’ weakened form mentally could not shake him, so he just sat there.

“I hope you enjoy the show, cause this time, I’m pulling out all the stops.” Lucifer winked.

“No…” Cas could do nothing but watch as Dean was thrown onto the bed, his clothes ripped, all exposed. _And it was my hands…_

“Dean!” He screamed, but it was useless.

* * *

“What? All this foreplay got you bored?” Dean spat blood off the side of the bed.

“Oh…” Lucifer took off Cas’ robe. “You can’t handle someone like _me_.” He took off Cas’ shirt.

Dean grimaced, closing his eyes as he was given a full view of Cas’ body. It just kept getting smaller by the day. He was nothing but a skeleton, malnourished skin barely hanging on. Tears fell down his cheek as Lucifer flaunted around.

“He’s _so skinny_ …” Lucifer turned for a side view for Dean, leaning back, pushing his hips forward, trying to make what was left of Cas’ stomach poke out. “This is really sad…I’m sorry for making things worse…” He pouted out Cas’ lip.

“Stop hurting him…please…” Dean just kept begging. “Look…you can do whatever you want with me…just heal him…”

Lucifer put his hands on the waist, showing how his fingers were touching without much effort. He leaned forward, smiling mischievously. “Oh? _Anything?_ ” He straightened up, taking a deep breath, showing even more rib than relaxed. “If this is some trick…I can just-“ He made a popping sound, pulling Cas’ hair to jolt his neck at an angle that a man at the gallows would have.

“No tricks…” Another tear fell. “I’m tired of asking. Just get it over with, and heal him.”

“Hm…” Lucifer walked around, thinking. “Cas? What do you think?” He paused, then laughed. “Oh, that’s right, you can’t talk. Ha! I’m such a sadist. Here…”

Cas was ungagged, and found he was given limited control, at least to speak. “Dean?!”

“Cas?” Dean tried to sit up straighter on the bed, but all he could manage was to strain his neck. Lucifer walked Cas over. “Are you ok?”

“Dean, I can’t move…” As if on cue, Lucifer forces his hand up, and it is shaking, because Cas is trying to fight back. “I can’t…”

“It’s ok, baby, you’re ok…just hang in there. It’ll all be over soon.”

“What?” Cas shook his head. “What do you mean? Dean, what have you agreed to?”

“Nevermind me…what matters is, you’re going to be ok. And I’ll be fine. I survived forty years of Hell. I can handle a douchebag.” Dean spat blood after Cas’ fist collided with him.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…Dean?” Cas cried.

“It’s not you…Cas, it’s _not you_ …” Dean smiled. “I know you would never do that.

“But Dean…he-ngh!” Lucifer forced Cas to punch himself, and he dropped to the ground.

“Cas!”

Lucifer popped up from the ground, throwing his fists around like a boxer. “Back in the game…” He rubbed hands up and down Cas’s chest and stomach. He then stopped to count ribs.

“Stop it, you sick son of a bitch…” Dean growled. “Do we have a deal, or what? And this is the last one, no more from you!”

“Oh, we’re ready to go then?” Cas’ face turned wicked, and Dean wished he could just pass out and forget this was even going to happen.

Cas was silenced again. All he could do was watch.


	12. Chapter 12

"Are you scared?" Lucifer eyed Dean hungrily. Cas' lips were licked like a predator.

Dean's throat forced down a lump of nerves. He could not believe he was going to do this, to stop this low. _But you love him, right? You would do anything to save him. Of course, you would. It's Cas. Whatever it takes..._ "Just get it over with..." He closed his eyes, bracing himself. "I-"

A hiss, then a growl. Dean jumped, alert and ready for anything. There was a struggle, just like every other time before, and then Cas fell on top of Dean. Panting. Tired eyes stared at Dean. "Dean?"

"Cas...good to see you, whoa. Ok, you're ok..." Dean nuzzled his neck. He found himself free to wrap his arms around the smaller man.

"He wants to watch..." Cas whispered. He sounded terrified.

"What?" Dean frowned. Cas looked at him shamefully. "I..."

"He just wants one final show, and then he's done..." Cas looked off, like he was listening to a voice in his head.

Dean licked his lips. "Ok...but we're not going to pay attention to him...it's just going to be you and me..." He turned on some music, thinking the steady rhythm and build would be a welcoming distraction. "Just you and me..." He goes in for a kiss. There is a hesitation, and then, then, they start together.

_You make me weep, and wanna die_

_Just when you said we'd try_

_Lovin', touchin', squeezin' each other_

A moan escaped both of their lips, hands searching all over for that feeling. Eyes were closed almost the entire time as they were carried away into the moment.

"Are you ok?" Dean breathed.

"Mhm..." was the only reply as Dean continued.

"Are you-"

"Mmmmm..."

Dean took it as an invitation. He never thought this would be their first time, but he would more than make up for it. This sick game, he refused to let it be that. This was special, this was not sex. This was love.

"You are so beautiful...so good..." Dean showered him with compliments, listening to the music and the moans almost in sync. Dean wanted him to feel good, to feel loved. "I love you..."

_He's tearing you apart_

_Ooh, every, every day_

_He's tearing you apart_

_Oh, girl what can you say?_

Cas cried out, collapsing in on himself. This was not...this was just...

He wanted to pull his hair out, he wanted to feel something, he wanted Dean to know...but how? He wanted to just stop existing, because this was too much. His heart shattered into a million pieces. He got his wish, his one dream, to feel, but at what cost? What had they both been through all because of him? This was all his fault. If he had not have been so weak, hurting himself to find forgiveness? No. That was coward's play. This right here, this was killing him slowly, and he just wanted it to end.

_Cause he's lovin', touchin' another_

Cas turned away from the screen, mumbling to himself that this was it...it was all over...

_Now it's your turn, girl to cry..._

Sam Winchester bangs on the door.


	13. Chapter 13

Dean twitches, sitting up straight, eyes locked on the door. He had grabbed Cas instinctively, making sure the blankets were covering what they needed. He can feel Cas' body shake.

"Whatever the hell you want, I am _not in the mood!_ " He screams angrily. He could not take much more of this.

" _Dean?! Open the door! That's not Cas! Open-_ " In a split second, Dean threw himself off of the bed and opened the door, Sam Winchester barging in with a gun pointed to the bed. "Get _out...now!_ "

Lucifer dropped the facade, and laughed. "Oh, _hi Sam..._ it's so nice to finally meet you." He looked behind Sam. "Hey there, Gabriel. I see you've made a new friend, too...I was just getting to know mine, but Dean and I go _way back._ Figured we'd step up our relationship..." He winked at Dean. "That was amazing, by the way...if only Cas could've been there..." He said, mockingly sad.

Dean gripped the sheets around him tighter. "The hell did you just say? Cas said-"

Lucifer mimicked Cas' voice to the "t": "Dean?"

Dean felt like he was going to be sick. He wanted to run off a cliff. He wanted to make him suffer...but he could not because...so he punched a hole into the wall. _Did I really just fuck the Devil? Oh my God, this cannot be happening to me...oh God, Cas? What if he saw..._ Dean failed to hide the tears from raining down his cheeks. He felt dirty, and evil.

Lucifer laughs, clapping his hands together, and laying down onto the bed. "Oh, you should see the look on your face! Oh...that was fun. Ok...hey, ok, ok...I get it...geez...you don't wanna hurt little Cas now, do you?" He looked at Gabriel who had his angel blade out, not that he was going to use it.

"No, I'm just going to get rid of you..." Gabriel held up a golden egg, with symbols all over it, and Lucifer's cockiness vanished.

"Hey, you, you don't wanna do this...you really don't...remember, Dean, I am the _only_ thing keeping him alive..." Lucifer was nervous.

"I _will_ save him..." Dean sneered. "And you can just go to _Hell_ , and stay there..." The things he wanted to do...it drove him crazy.

Gabriel opened the egg, and Lucifer was powerless to resist. He was immediately ejected from Cas' body. Dean caught him, and held him on the bed, shielding him. Sam threw the door back to reveal a sigil, chanting a phrase that made Lucifer scream. He was sent back to Hell in the Cage in a bright light. Then nothing. There was a chilling silence.

"Did it work?" Sam looked around, panting. Dean huddled Cas on the bed. Gabriel did not move.

The only remaining archangel just stared at the spot where Lucifer had just disappeared. "Yeah...lucky for us..."

"Cas?" Dean ran his hand over the frail face. "Cas! You're ok, now, I promise, you're ok..." He started to cry. "Please don't leave me now...we've won...he's gone for good. He can't hurt you anymore, I know now..." Dean waited. "Cas?"

Sam and Gabriel were still.

Dean turned on Gabriel. "Well, don't just stand there, _help him!_ Lucifer said he was the only thing keeping him alive, and-" He choked on a sob. "Please help him..."

Gabriel went over to the bed. He looked intently at his baby brother. "He has a lot going on, Dean...I can cure the anemia, his liver, and stomach...even his physical heart, but..." He turned to Dean. "There's not much else I can do..."

"What do you mean?" Dean was scared. He had been scared and upset, going on this high of what all has been going on recently, but...

Gabriel concentrated and healed Cas, Dean wondering why in the world it was taking a lot longer to do than what he normally saw. Cas still did not respond.

"What's wrong? Why hasn't he woken up? Cas?" Dean gently shook him. He was still so skinny and frail. "Why-"

"Dean, I told you, I can't cure this..." Gabriel gently explained. "The rest is up to him...if he wants it..."

"Of course he wants it..." Dean got defensive. "Even if he doesn't know it yet, he wants it..." _He has to..._

Sam motioned quietly for Gabriel and him to step out to give them some privacy.

"I'm so sorry, baby...I'm so sorry..." Dean cried as he still clung to Cas.


	14. Chapter 14

Sam quietly shut the door, and let out a sigh. "So, you can't..."

Gabriel fought back tears. "I don't have that kind of power...even Dad...He...He never really healed stuff like that. Would always just let them suffer." Gabriel shook his head in disgust. "All a part of the _Plan_. What a joke..."

Sam thought back to all of the times he caught Dean doing things like that...and he kicked himself for every time he made fun of his eating habits. He figured Dean just knew he never meant any real harm. But some days were better than others. If he could turn back the clock, he would have never joked about what his brother ate. Then maybe, his brother would not struggle as much. Ever since meeting Cas, ever since Hell, Sam noticed his brother was much happier, and that was no coincidence. They were meant to be together, and he was so happy Dean had finally settled down with someone, getting a taste of that "apple pie lifestyle".

"I'm...going to redo the wardings." Gabriel sauntered off to do just that, but Sam guessed he did not want Sam to see him cry. 

Sam hovered awkwardly by the door, instincts telling him to stay and keep an eye on those two, as they were both traumatized beyond repair. _No! They are going to be fine. It's going to take some time, but they are stronger than this. They came out on the other side._ And by God, if He was here, Sam Winchester was going to make sure that happened.

The younger brother cleaned house to keep his mind busy, but to stay close enough in case he was needed. He scavenged through the smaller stock pile that Gabriel had bought them and threw out the expired foods. There was not much left, but enough to make some soup. Something to warm their spirits, hopefully in more ways than one.

* * *

"I know you've been through hell, you're exhausted." Dean massaged Cas' sweaty head. "You just rest up real good, and whenever you're ready, I'll be right here." 

He waited for a miracle. But Cas was still not waking up. At this point, Dean did not care if Cas wanted to wake up and beat the shit out of him for what he did. It was unforgivable. He wanted to get cussed out and screamed at. That would mean Cas was able to respond to something, _anything._

* * *

Cas wished he was dreaming. He woke up to find himself where he still was in the living room. A screech made him shiver. He cowered away from the far corner of the room where he saw an inky black substance. It reminded him of the ancient leviathan.

"No..." He shook.

 _"Yeeeeesssssssssss..._ " It hissed. " _We were brought here for a reassssssssssssonnnnnn..._ "

"Lucifer." Cas guessed.

" _The Princcccccccccce of darknesssssssssss sendzzzzzzz his regardsssssssssss..._ "

Even if he had the strength, Cas would have never been able to escape the slimy tendrils that engulfed him, his whole world turning into inky blackness.

* * *

But then he woke up...


	15. Chapter 15

"Cas???" Dean jerks slightly, gripping Cas tighter.

Cas' eyes shoot open as he tries to take in a breath, but chokes. His chest heaves up and down. Dean turns him over on his side, rubbing his back. "Sammy!" He calls out.

Sam bolts through the door, Gabriel right on his tail. 

"What the hell?" Sam slides down on his knees to investigate. Cas coughs, and in Sam's hands..."Dean?" He slowly holds his hand up, and Gabriel has a look on his face.

" _No. Stand back!"_ He pulls the blankets down off of Cas' chest, seeing black veins, pulsing very noticeably.

"Cas?!" Dean feels helpless, and fights against Sam, who is trying to get him out.

"Come on, Dean!" Sam manhandles him out the door.

"Trust me." Gabriel locks eyes with Dean.

He does. 

He goes willingly with Sam. As soon as they are outside, Dean's knees buckle and he goes down. Sam picks him back up and leads him to the couch.

"We're ok...we're ok..."

"What the hell was that?" Dean asks quietly.

"I don't know...but Gabriel seemed to know, so that's good. That means he knows what to do..." Sam tried to be positive. He really did. But it was just scaring Dean the more he thought about it.

"Alright, you sons of bitches...remember me?" Gabriel towered over the bed, his blade at the ready.

" _Yeeeeeeessssssssssssssss...the strength of God Himssssssssself..._ "

"Back to Purgatory you go..." With all of his strength, Gabriel forced the monsters out and dripped his blade all over them. They screeched in pain. "Like that? It's sodium borate, you bastards! Oh, and Dad gave me this special little key if you ever decided to come back..."

" _No! Wait! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeassssssssssssssssse. Mercccccccccy..._ "

"You didn't show my brother mercy..." In a portal, the blackness was pulled out of Cas, as if in slow motion, and sealed their world once again in quietness. "If I have to banish someone somewhere _one more time today_ , I'm gonna lose it...I deserve a fucking vacation..."

Cas gasped for breath, his lungs greedily taking in as much as it could.

"Ga-Gabriel?" Tears were in his eyes. "They're-"

"Gone...no more surprises from you, ok?" He hugged his brother tightly, not even hearing the Winchester brothers pile into the room.

"Cas??" Dean falls onto the bed in a heap, his whole body absorbing Cas', making sure he was still here. "I'm so sorry, Baby...I love you so much, and I would never-"

"Dean..." Cas shakes. "We're ok, now..."

"Thank-you, Gabriel..." Dean chokes. "I don't know what I would do without him..." He kisses Cas' head.

"No problem, just...can we not have another crisis for five minutes?" Gabriel wished he would _never_ have to experience any of what has gone on with them ever again.


	16. Epilogue

Dean held Cas all through the night. He could not fall asleep for fear of Cas disappearing. So he just kept playing him music, and whispering promises to him.

"I love you, and only you..." He would keep repeating. Even if it was not his fault, he still cheated on Cas in the most vial and despicable way. And all he wanted was for Cas to feel loved. "I am never going to hurt you like that again...I swear on my life, Cas. It's you...it's always you..."

Mercifully, Cas slept all night long. He would hum or snuggle closer to Dean every now and then. Dean never moved. He would just quietly sing to him, because every song ended up reminding him of Cas.

_I took my love, took it down_

_I climbed a mountain and I turned around_

_And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills_

_'Til the landslide brought me down_

_Oh, mirror in the sky_

_What is love?_

_Can the child within my heart rise above?_

_Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?_

_Can I handle the seasons of my life?_

_Well, I've been afraid of changin'_

_'Cause I've built my life around you_

_But time makes you bolder_

_Even children get older_

_And I'm getting older too_

"It's you..." Dean kissed Cas' knuckles. "Only you..."


End file.
